Sunday, October 24, 2010
Is it just me, or is time moving all too quickly, swiftly, full-throttle forward?!
I can't believe my birthday is just next week! I can't believe I've lived here for over a year! And I can't believe how long my hair is! Okay... maybe I can believe those things, but maybe I don't really want to. Hmm...
I think it's time to start creating lists -- goals, dreams, to do's.
Or maybe it's time to start making deals with the above to slow it down a bit, like those ever work. Ha!
Ok, I know... I'm only turning 27. And yes, that is still very young. But if you know me, well that is, you know that I'm a very driven, passionate person who is amazed that I'm actually not a Pulitzer Prize winning, New York Times Bestselling Author, and a Academy Award Winner yet. Sounds silly I know. But it's my life's zeal... and time -- whether moving in slow-motion or at light years speed, isn't going to change the ultimate pinnacle of what I want to accomplish.
Things take time, but time can take away things too.
The last year of living here has been absolutely amazing. I'm actually convinced that I have had so much fun in the past year, that that's why the days have just flown by! My friends! My family! The people!! Heaven on Earth, folks. And they say that in Heaven, a heartbeat is a whole human lifetime. So go figure...
And as for my hair, well... how important it is to all of you, ha! But it's the longest it's been since I was a little girl. No surprise either. My life works in circles, always has. I come from somewhere, I go back... and so forth.
An ongoing spherical path... just like a clock.
I like to think of it like wise sages, shamans maybe even... long cascading hair, long robes free flowing without restrictions. Their faces dominated by peace. Their eyes consumed in wisdom. They wander free through golden fields, massive mountain tops and by gentle babbling brooks... almost as if time stands still for them.
That's what I'm going for. Not so much to always be running after time, but letting time chase me a little too.
"A whole human life is just a heartbeat here in Heaven. Then we'll all be together forever."
-Chris, What Dreams May Come .
Monday, October 4, 2010
How much do we actually nurture ourselves? How much do we do things because of others? Do we love other people more than we love ourselves? Do we know why?
When I truly sit and think about it, I can honestly say that I'm pretty much split down the middle. Left side, for you. Right side, for me. Cappuccino, me. Cappuccino, made for you. Piano, for me. Sing songs, for you. Clean house, me. Clean house, for all of you. But there is an occasional bubble bath, (which I really did wish I could fit into in this house. I think people were smaller in the 1930's. And I'm a little person.)
But any ways...
I think it can become harmful when all that we do is because of others. What about us? What about yourself? Yes, what about YOU?! Unless you're of the idea that we should be self-sacrificial to the point of exhaustion. Loss of inner needs, desires, passions. A servant to the masses. "JUMP!" "How HIGH?!!"
I think it's a yearning for acceptance, above all. When we were little we were taught to please our parents. Then our teachers. Then our bosses. Then our spouses. All the while, we can forget about ourselves.
What do I want to do? What do I want to be? Who do I really want to please?? Nothing. Everything. A select few.
I know I feel better when I keep the fire within me burning. My inner light switch stuck on -- ON. My self drive, full throttle. They keep me feeling alive. I've got my own love to keep me hot.
So when they say "JUMP!" I can simply ask, "Why?"